It’s been 29 years now and we haven’t spoken in a while.
I think most of that is my fault. . . If I’m being honest I think I hated you for a while there. In fact as the years have gone by I’ve stopped caring for you altogether.
I know we were best friends back in the day … We always got noticed when we were together.
We used to be really close. I would see you every day and make eye contact. I would admire you in the mirror when I put on new clothes, I liked the way I looked in almost everything. Over the years though you've started letting me down.
Things changed drastically the last 4 years. My body expanded. Stretch marks showed up. Pushing out a baby tore sensitive skin and I felt damaged. Something sucked the life out of my chest and left my boobs sagging and empty. The dimples on my butt were never there when we were friends all those years ago. Sometimes I look at you and cry...other times
I avoid looking at you...I avoid shopping for new clothes because I have no clue what size I am.
I started to think about what a good relationship we used to have . . .and how I stopped caring for you the way that I should.
You developed and changed and caused my husband to notice me….You are one of the reasons we are together today… I have you to thank for that.
You changed shape and held my babies… 3 sweet babies in 3 years time. You grew and held them, fed them, and kept them warm… You stretched as they grew and one day you helped those sweet babies enter the world. . .I have you to thank for that.
You gave them life as you provided milk and you never let me down in their development. Not one of my babies have failed to thrive on breastmilk alone… And I have you to thank for that.
You are softer, and larger now than I’m used to seeing...Sometimes I want to cry because i don’t recognize you….Sometimes I get angry and resentful...But then I remember, I am not the same person I was all those years ago. I’ve grown, I’ve changed, and I’m worlds away from who I was when we first started.
You see Life is a journey and I think I forgot to allow you to change…
Instead I was holding you to an unrealistic expectation and felt like i was supposed to hate you for all the changes that have been made.
When in fact that Isn’t at all the case.
Body….I want to say thank you.
Thank you for changing ...Thank you for being a visible record of my journey these last 29 years.
Thank you for every stretch mark, dimple,freckle, wrinkle, and saggy love handle.
Because In every single one of those spots...I am blessed with a memory of something You gave me. I had forgotten… I wasn’t able to do those things on my own.
Mom to 3
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